Saturday, October 16, 2010

Operation Ground and Pound

So I found a Thesis Generator a little while ago, and I thought I'd put it to good use writing about something... that sounds like something I'd write about. Anyway, without further ado, I present to you why core music sucks shit and metal is awesome. Note, I will not be talking about grindcore cause I don't mind it and most people can agree that Napalm Death is the shit.

In the beginning, there was metalcore. And that was okay. Killswitch Engage did a Dio cover song as a peace offering to all the metalheads and metal bands so as to not guarantee themselves a bloody, violent death, upon gaining popularity. All That Remains tried this shit with a Nevermore song, and they fucking butchered that shit, but it's OK because we give them points for trying. Then deathcore came out and ruined it for everybody. Then Attack Attack! came out and simultaneously dug a grave and filled it for themselves and their whole encompassing genre. And the hate which had been dormant for so long, boiled to the surface and exploded like Mount Vesuvius in 79AD.

Since then, it's become very apparent that core music is played by faggots with giant holes in their earlobes (to accomodate many large penises), wiggers, and idiots who think breakdowns are cool, while metal is played by guys with flowing locks, and who can play instruments and sing and generally sound like they have hit puberty. In the underground scene, metal = the alpha male, while everything else = the slime on the social ladder.

For one thing, Manowar is fucking metal. I do not think I need to add to this. If you think I need to add to this, you are not metal, and therefore should go back to wearing V-necks even though you have no tits, and stealing your little sister's pants.

The most important reason core music is played by faggots with giant holes in their earlobes, wiggers, and idiots who think breakdowns are cool -- while metal is played by guys with flowing locks, and who can play instruments and sing -- is because Whitechapel, Despised Icon, Attack Attack!, and other shitcore bands look like fags and their music sucks. You cannot prove me wrong. Fitted caps? Flip-flops? V-necks? All the same hairstyles? Pseudo-syncopated rhythmic strumming on open strings? What is this I don't even...

In conclusion, although Manowar is metal (we're sorry, but we're not), core music is just terrible, super shit. Fantastically shit, even. And metal fucking pwns core music in the face with its diamond encrusted cod-piece. For two main reasons: first, Manowar is fucking metal. That's a given. But most importantly, Whitechapel, and other shitcore bands look like fags and their music sucks.

The end. Any core kids offended can go home and cry about this, then go out and make real music. Any metalheads feeling empowered by this can go into the nearest forest and write some black metal. Anybody else offended can make sure that mister sensitives don't goes to crybaby's house for vacation.

Stay Brutal. \m/